My Mother - Chapelle Gray
My mother passed away on September 8, 2009 and at times I feel as though my life ended as well. She was 61. I miss her so much at times that my heart feels as though it will break forever.
My mother suffered from lung damage and a cigarette habit that she couldn't break. My sister and I tried every way we could to help her defeat the demon and yet we were unsuccessful.
She came home from yet another hospital admission and 2 hours later her heart had stopped. They revived her only to tell us that she was brain dead and could not be saved. We had to make the difficullt choice to remove her from life support.
While my father is still alive and very much active in our lives, he was not a parent to either of us and my mom was all we had. I feel guilty for distancing myself from him but I just can't see him and not miss her even more.
I think of the times we shared and as the holidays roll around I find myself really suffering to cope. Why do I feel like that little girl lost in the mall searching for her mom or an orphan? I am 38 years old, should I be feeling this way?
I find myself becoming jealous when my friends share stories about their mothers. Am I sick? I don't wish them to not have theirs, I just want mine.
This is a pain unlike anything that I have ever known and pray to feel only once in this lifetime.
Posted by Deedy November 28, 2009 @ 9:41 PM.
Your comments
November 30, 2009 at 12:12PM
December 21, 2009 at 2:02PM
I do know what you're feeling. I lost my mom in February. I am 54 years old and all I can remember and dream about when I sleep is being a young girl and my past memories of living at home, even though I haven't lived with my parents for decades and have grown children of my own.
Do not feel guilty if you feel jealousy and envy. You have to grieve and any way you do that is o.k.
Your mom sounds so special. Your memories keep her close by. But that won't bring her back, I know.
I hope it gets easier over time. I am feeling a bit lighter than a few months ago but the pain is still always with me.
Hugs and my thoughts are with you.
December 21, 2009 at 2:02 PM
December 22, 2009 at 9:09PM
I would like to thank both of you ladies for your heartfelt words of support. Although it has not been easy, your kindness has made it feel a bit less lonely. Thank you so very much. Happy Holidays!
March 30, 2011 at 5:05PM
I lost my mom in August 2009. It's been the most painful year and a half of my life. At times I didn't think I'd make it--but I did. I pray that you are finding it easier to cope. Drawing, writing and painting helped me tremendously, at least to go on from day to day. As some have told me, I'll never get over it, but I've learned to live with the tender wound, the grief that keeps on giving. My heart goes out to you, Deedy.
Much love,
Cheryl
December 16, 2011 at 8:08PM
January 28, 2012 at 9:09 AM
March 14, 2012 at 9:09PM